1,001
LOGICAL LAWS

ACCURATE AXIOMS
PROFOUND PRINCIPLES
TRUSTY TRUISMS
HOMEY HOMILIES
COLORFUL COROLLARIES
QUOTABLE QUOTES
AND RAMBUNCTIOUS RUMINATIONS
FOR ALL WALKS OF LIFE...
No List is Complete Without Some Sexually Oriented Stuff

The Rueful Bachelor's Law:
          There is no such thing as an unattached woman.

Fortis' Three Great Life in Life:

  1. Money isn't everything.
  2. It's greaty to be born in a ghetto.
  3. I'm only going to put it in a little way.

King Solomon's Law for 500th Wife:
          It's going to be plenty soft for you.

Johnny Carson's Observation on Geriatrics:
          Sex in the sities is great, but it improves if you pull over to the side of the road.

Dr. Stolf's Three Great Happinesses of Life:

  1. Breaking wind in church and sitting in own phew.
  2. A martini before and a cigarette afterward.
  3. Coming.

Grandma Soderquist's Observation:
          More farm families got their start in the hayloft than ever did in the farmhouse.

The Single Club Law:
          If computer dating fails, just trust to lust.

Dean's Law:
          Better to have flunked your Wasserman, than never to have loved at all.

The New-Product Syndrome:
          The longer you sleep with your dream girl, the harder it it to kiss her good-by.

The Shrink's Assessment:
          There's no point in worrying about apathy when you can't care less.

Bula's Basic Belief:
          "Love for Sale" may not be a bad song title, but in commerce, it would constitute a misrepresentation of service.

Kelley's Observation:

  1. There's one major difference between the modern girl and her mother - the former goes ahead and does what the latter always wanted to do.
  2. Dancing is wonderful training for girls. It's the first way they learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

Larkin's Law:
          Sex is only dirty - if it's done right.

Zall's Law:
          A dirty book is seldom dusty.

Westlake's Sage Remark:
          Love is never having to say how much.

Brandstadt's Observation:
          Sin now - pray later.

Billings' Notes:

  1. Sex has no calories.
  2. Infants don't have as much fun in infancy as adult do in adultery.
  3. A dirty old man is just a sexually active senior citizen.
  4. Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.

Kessell's Law:
          If a man writes a better book, preaches a better sermon, or beds a better whore than his neighbour, though he builds his domicile deep in the woods, the world will beat a path to his door to find out who the better whore was.

Bula's Truism:
          Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, so the sooner we get these obsolete forms of transport back, the better.

The Birth-Control Law:
          If a birth control device is going to fail, it will do so on the thirteenth or fourteenth day between two given periods.

Steiner's Statement:
          Both business and love require the temperament of a vampire conbines with the discretion of an anemone.

The Nudist Colony Rule:
          Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

Clarke's Conclusion:
          Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.

Hart's Homily:
          Virginity can be cured.

An Italian Proverb:
          She who is silent consents.

Draper's Law:
          A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

The "Just Say No" Law:
          Don't be a girl who gives long explanations as to why she "doesn't" - or before you're done explaining, you'll wind up one the "does."

Frank's Law:
          Sex is a misdemeanor - the more you miss, da' meaner you get.

Hayden's Homilies:

  1. No matter how much cats fight, there are always plenty of kittens.
  2. Insanity might be inherited - you get if from your kids.
  3. No one should boast of his integrity until he has a good chance to be dishonest.
  4. You can become so accustomed to tension that when things get calm, you become nervous.
  5. Love is like hash - you have to have confidence in it before you enjoy it.
  6. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Borland's Postulates:

  1. Birth control is avoiding the issue.
  2. The streetwalker's dog is a whore hound.

Van's Conclusions:

  1. Marriage vows: promise to love, honor, and stimulate the economy.
  2. Two's company and three's the result.
  3. Concerning love-making: in the thirties it was the rumble seat, in the forties the back seat, in the fifties the reclining front seat, in the sixties the camper, and in the seventies - it's where ever the mood strikes.

Mark's Mark:
          Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Miller's Law:
          You cannot tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.

Barlow's Nature Thoughts:

  1. Most fish shyly swish, but jellyfish can only squish.
  2. Turtles never hurtle.

Oler's Apothegm:
          The genuineness of a couple's affection for each other is inversely proportional to the cuteness of their pet names for each other.

Van Roy's Postulate:
          Love is like a pair of socks - you have to have two, and they gotta match.

Korman's Conclusion:
          The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again.



[ BACK ]


www.generationterrorists.com